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Teenage Depression Liar –  Choose Happy

Liar…From day one it felt like despair had a dark plan.  Somehow I’ve been chosen out of the mass of people to feel less. Just numb all of the time.  Grief took control Felt useless throughout teenage years.  I was a  burden not worthy of their time. It wasn’t long before families felt the same way.  In fact before misery repeat mere existence that….Faceless person.  Little black spot in history that should be erased.Teenage Depression Liar – Choose Happy

Teenage Depression Liar – Choose Happy  Not only does sorrow say worthless.  Consistent compares failures to the achievements of other people.  Usually the people really close.  Just to remind  how ridiculous incapable of doing even the simplest things. Gloom has been an abusive friend.  Just couldn’t get away from so eventually stopped trying. Because at the end of the day, no-one will love you quite like it would. Who ask for help when alone or feeling misunderstood. Only my own mental state could understand my feelings of self-hatred without making me feel  hollow. But that was the irony hard times make me feel  needy.Teenage Depression Liar – Choose Happy

As a teen deep thoughts use to be a passed time. Why no one understand the pain. Used to beg for nothing at all. But  to be relieved of my everlasting companion. Later realized the ache only ever bad after the easy times when despair would pack its bag for a week or two. Whenever emptiness  stayed for long periods of time. I began to do nothing and I would kick myself for wishing I didn’t like anything.

Teenage Depression Liar – Choose Happy

What started out as “why me” questions in my early years  became validation. Later sparing gloominess the hard work. I believed something different.  Chosen for a life of misery couldn’t figure out why. But  accepted and even making room for it.  Thought  about the time rode uncle’s cycle outdoor. After he told me not to. A day I can never forget.  Still can’t handle tricycle because of that day. My foot stuck in the spokes this caused my big toe to split as attempt to ride was a challenge.  To this day I can’t even look at motorcycle. My toenail serve as a reminder of the moment. Not so much the moment didn’t go as planned. But more validated what telling me for so long.  Not worthy, stupid!  Couldn’t even drive a wheeler and because of my selfishness give uncle a new reason to be angry. Of course, he didn’t, but believe  when I say humiliated enough over incident. Tore me up daily.

Teenage Depression Liar – Choose Happy

Teenage Depression Liar – Choose Happy

Even now, after battling blues throughout my youthful years, can’t quite say that I’ve  gotten over sadness. I’ve wanted to break it off a number of times. But as a young adult  I’m still fighting this tyrant. Though, the fight has changed now. All these years blue mood told me that I couldn’t take control over my own life, that I’m not capable of making decisions to better my life. All these years I’ve been a victim in the situation. Perpetuating the problem by  feeding the darkness it lives.

Teenage Depression Liar – Choose Happy

 Liar – Choose Happy

Ok, so it sounds a bit like I’m saying, “So what, you’re depress, get over it!” NOT AT ALL I’m saying that instead of looking at your problems as something that has happened.  You have no say over, see it as something that you can shape to suit your abilities. In reality, you are the strong one and it is the weak  living off your pain. Have you ever noticed that when you feel good, you don’t give much thought to your mood that’s because it withers away. Happen to us all. Let’s talk!