Dealing with an Overcritical Mother? Show Love.
If you’re Dealing with an Overcritical Mother, show her love. Yes, it can feel like your heart is being torn in two. Love and judgment will seem one and the same. Duty, loyalty, and your own feelings of love for your parent can become a burden as time goes by. I heard a young girl once say, “I will never be perfect, Mommy,” and the mother said, “That’s why I didn’t name you perfection. My love, you are who you are.” Don’t wait until Mother’s Day to talk things out.
When There’s Too Much Criticism it make a person feel worthless.
Anyone with a critical mother, doesn’t know this kind of peace in their home. Everything must be perfect. So often it feels like your mother’s very affection depends on perfection. You may be the son who never gets it. Perhaps your brother always gets straight A’s. Or, he has amazing hair and smiles and helps the elderly—even when he’s angry. His life seems easier, less stressed, and filled with more love.
Dealing with an OverCritical Mother show love
We are naturally opposed to nitpicking. Constructive criticism can help us grow. But problems occur when mothers are ONLY ever critical. A long time ago, I read something that resonated with me and has stayed with me since. I’ve applied it to ALL my relationships. This concept was originally about parent/child relationships, though. I’m sure that at least some of you will have heard of this analogy.
Have an OverCritical Mother show her love
The Relationship Bank Account
The deposit-and-withdraw method is like a give and take. You know what it feels like when someone keeps taking and never gives anything back in return. You feel like you’re being bled dry.
Relationships are like a bank account. If you keep drawing out the money, you’ll soon be left with a zero balance. So you have to keep putting money back into the account. Then, if you want to make withdrawals, it won’t damage the final balance. Makes sense right? Apply that analogy to dealing with an overcritical mother every day.
This type of behavior can deplete the reserves of a good relationship. Harsh criticism has been noted to damage a child’s self-esteem. This can last long into adulthood. Often, it taints everything else in life and can make you feel depressed.
Understand Your Overcritical Mother
So how to deal with a critical mother? Remember that your mother may have experienced the same or worse. It’s easy to think that if your parent experienced something similar, she would never chastise. But we’re creatures of habit. We tend to settle into patterns that we know and are comfortable with. Despite bad choices that tend to dictate our lives, we fear change. It’s difficult for many people. That’s why so many people confine themselves to what’s familiar.
Dealing with an overcritical mother show love.
Mom may not know how to do good. But she does want choices for you. All Parents wants the best for their kids. They may not realized. Just how much damage they’re doing. People change all the time often for the best. And you can help mama to see what she is doing hurt. She wants to do good by her children. This can translate into control and the “my way or the highway” approach to parenting.
Let her know you understand in a respectable way.
Mom may not know how to be the best parent. But she does want choices for you. All parents want the best for their kids. They may not realize just how much damage they’re doing. People change all the time, often for the best. And you can help Mama to see what she is doing to hurt. She wants to do right by her children. This can translate into control and the “my way or the highway” approach to parenting.
Dealing With an Overcritical Mother? Show Love
Remain strong
You won’t have to live her life forever. You may find yourself living for that day when you’re no longer in the same space. However, that’s not always the best way either. If anything ever happens, there will be unresolved issues between you. Are you willing to let that happen?
Do your best to show your mother the love and acceptance you wish she showed you. You may be surprised at how things change. Your mother loves you. But she can’t or doesn’t know how to show you love. So, it’s your chance to show her.
Be patient. She will come around. Heal her inner child. It may have been wounded and doing so will heal yours. You’ll feel happier with yourself. Mending the relationship takes time. Forgive her. It will help you move forward. Show her love before it’s too late. You only have so much time together.
My mom has always been over critical and now I have learned to let it go in one ear and out the other.
I am a mother and I know how it feels… we sometimes need to be this kind for our kids sake, it’s an on going learning process.
Thankfully my mom is the opposite !!! I always say she is rare breed she helps me and my sister ao much and never judges
These are great tips. I think letting the words go in and out your ears is key, just like the reader said above me!
My mom has never been critical. I hope I am not critical with my kids.
Great advice. When dealing with people who are over critical, it’s best to realize that they are projecting their insecurities onto you. Love and patience are the only way to get through it.
Melisa, I never thought of it that way. People who are critical has issues of insecurities.
I am lucky that my mom is not like this. I have seen it with my friends and it can be hard. This is some good advice.
I think I am the most critical mom. I find myself comparing my parenting to others who are around me and I know I shouldn’t do that, but how else am I supposed to learn! It is really hard being a parent, let alone the “perfect” parent.
Christine, At least you are honest.Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
It is true, sometimes I find myself being critical and it is not who I am but I was criticized a lot when I was younger so it kind of sticks.
My Step mom is like this. Super critical. I had a lot of issues growing up, but now that I can recognize that it’s her issues, and not mine, I’ve learned not to take it personally and to fully accept her for who she is and just love her. It’s totally freeing.
It’s tough when you have a parent who is overly critical. I must say I am a bit thankful that they are, because I wouldn’t have high standards and the drive to become better than I was yesterday. That’s a mindset I have grown to appreciate.
This is helpful advice. I can imagine that it’s a difficult situation to be in but this makes sense.
I am glad to say that my mother has never been over critical. Or at least she hasn’t shared it with me. I work hard to ensure that she as well as my late father were happy with the decisions I made. But never did I feel like they were critical of the decisions I made or the path that I took.
My mom was overly critical and I have to watch myself to avoid doing the same thing to my boys. We had some rough years especially as I became an adult but I learned to set some boundaries with her as I became a parent and we have a great relationship now.
I am a mom of two and I know how this feels. I just try to let it go.
Nice to read this, I do relate with things about give and take. Every time I have to explain things about this to my daughter so she understands the situation.
My mom is not an overly critical and she is always supportive and I know all she wants in the world is to see me happy! But thanks for such great advices
Eugenia, Many mothers wants the best for their child. Sometimes they come off as overly critical …I think their intension are good.
My mother is very critical and forever comparing me to my sister. It has caused a great strain on my relationship with her. That’s why I try not to be overly critical with my daughter emphasizing that I will always be proud of her as long as she tries and does her best.
Laurie, I understand overly critical mother can cause strain to siblings relationship. Trying to be accepted. But now that you understand your mother. You are better able to deal with your daughter and support her emotionally.
I can relate to dealing with an overly critical mom. I just show her love because I don’t know what she’s been through to make her that way.
Terri Beavers, That’s all we can do love our overly critical mother thanks for your comment.
Such good points. I think that when you are able to reflect what you want, they’ll be able to clearly understand the situation.
This really struck a nerve with me. I always wondered why my mother was so critical, then when I got older and saw her interact with her own mother, I finally understood. These are very helpful tips.
Yes, as we get older we tends to think more about our mother’s and her pass relationship if any with her mother. That’s when we can see how unhealthy it was. Change the patterns of old habit we can make a difference in our children lives. Thanks for your support.
My mom was never overly critical with me, but I can understand how hard it might be. I just hope I won’t be like this with my future kids
My mom was also critical, she always wanting me to be rich in easy way, but I think she loves me in that way, she wanted my life to be easy and comfortable.
Nikki, Important you understand your Overly critical mother. Who was probably misunderstood and wanted the best for you. You are a success and I can imagined your mother being proud.
My mom is a critical mother but I really appreciate it now and finally understand why she is doing those things for me. I really really love my mother she’s the best mom ever for me no matter what.
Edwin Lao, Thank you for your honest opinion of your mother. Glad that now you are able to look back and see that her critical ways was base on love for you.
It’s always important to talk about things especially with your own Mom. I have had arguments with my Mom and the only time things get fixed is when we talk.
The only way to resolved our conflicts with our Parents in this case your mother. Is to talk it out. But both party has to be ready and open to change. So not the case for many teens and adults who are struggling to be heard.
Great advice! Kids should know that there is a reason why moms are like that.
Great advice! Communication is the key. I know that everything can be settle thru open communication.
I have suffered and dealt with my overly-controlling mother for so many years. In fact, she has bipolar disorder, she sometimes blames me for causing her to become deaf. I believe that she happened to be very old, she is 69 years old now. Still, I love her. Thank you for sharing!
Joyce Try showing you’re overly critical Mother Love and see what happen.
I think my mom wasn’t a critical mom, and I appreciate her love for me, so glad you shared this.
I LOVE that quote about perfection being stagnation!! I couldn’t agree more. I am going to print this out and put it on my vision board.
This is a very inspirational book. I don’t want to be a critical mother but will give my kids their own choice and decision.
Ooooooooooooh that is a pet peeve of mine. When I see an overly critical mother I want to just scream because they do not know what this is doing to their kids
My mom can be overly critical. She doesn’t mean anything by it but it took me a long time to figure that out
My mom and I have an amazing relationship but sometimes this kind of advises are needed
Thankfully my mother has and never was critical of me but I did have a step-mother who was. I work really hard to try and not be critical of my children. Great post!
My mom was always critical, but so were most mothers l knew growing up. Perhaps it’s our culture. In Nigeria, you expect it and just roll with it. You’re right though, if one does not have a strong personalty, it can hold you back.
Kemkem, You are correct different culture play a part in how we raise our children. But all Mother has one think in common want the best for their child. Critical or not!
Good tips. My mom was very critical and because of it I have to make a strong effort not to be the same way.
My mom and I are super close and I’m so glad I can say that she has never been over critical. Her mother, on the other hand, was definitely that way towards her. She made it her mission not to repeat that cycle when she had me and I am so grateful.
LiveLifeWell,
Allison
Allison Jones, I am glad to hear your mother made it her mission not to be a critical mother. The cycle did not repeat or carry on thats a good thing.
I know several overly critical mothers and they had done some crazy damage to their kids. Some turned out okay and others not so much.
My isn’t very critical although she and I are really different. I had to teach her how to deal with a kid that is almost opposite of her.
I also keep these thoughts in mind when dealing with my own kids.
Mimi “MimiCuteLips” Green, You made a good point it’s not easy to deal with someone who mirror us or different…opposite as you say. Overcritical mother sometimes forget or afraid to give up that control. By showing her love and understand this can cause her to listen and may change her ways.
I work at not being an overly critical mom. I try to lead with love when talking to my kids. Seeing things from their point of view really helps.
Boy oh boy does this hit home. It’s s fine line. A lot of mothers don’t realize that they do more harm than good. There’s a time when you just have to let go. Great read!
So right. But for some Mothers its hard to let go.
I think it’s important to be able to have open dialogue with your critical mother and express your feelings to avoid a buildup of resentment.
I don’t have an overcritical mother however I can see how it can be detrimental if you do. I love how you were able to discover ways to deal with your mom so that it doesn’t cause unnecessary strife between the two of you.
I don’t think my mom was overcritical, but I am so thankful that she was a truth-teller. She wasn’t in the business of being my friend, but a true role model. Great post!
So glad my mom is not critical. However, I have watched parents criticize their kids causing lasting damage to them. I wish parents realized how their actions affect their children.
Thankfully my mother is not overcritical and is definitely by best friend. It’s so unfortunate that some mothers are like this. Great advice on how to deal with those types.
My Mother was critical and hard on my sister and I growing up because she said she wanted to make us strong women. We were like ‘how strong do we have to be?!” But looking back it did help and we both are strong driven women. However I realize that I am too hard on others sometimes and I guess I get that from my Mother. I only want the best for everyone! Love is hard sometimes. 🙂
Kirstin N. Fuller, I understand, its ok. You don’t have beat yourself down. It’s good that you know your flaws and strength. Yes, love is hard. Be the better person take the first step show loved!