Self Change
Self-image is fragile territory for many teens. From magazines to social media, teens are bombarded daily with messages that they’re not “enough”—not thin enough, not stylish enough, not popular enough. Popular culture, music videos, influencers, and even casual comments among peers push the idea of an unattainable ideal.
“I wish you could see what I see when I look at you.”
— Allison Pang, A Brush of Darkness
How to Change Self-Image with Confidence
1. Start with Understanding, Not Control
As a parent or mentor, the worst thing you can do is try to force a better self-image onto your teen. Confidence isn’t something you can give them—it has to be built. Your role is to support and model self-respect through your actions. Let your teen know (in ways they understand) that they are already amazing.
2. Promote Healthy Independence
Encourage your teen to take ownership of their decisions and achievements. The more capable they feel, the less validation they’ll seek from others. Self-sufficiency builds self-trust, which is the foundation of confidence. Let them make mistakes—and support them as they learn.
“Confidence comes not from always being right, but from not fearing to be wrong.”
— Peter T. McIntyre
3. Teach Them to Defend Themselves—From Themselves
Most of the damage to self-image isn’t done by others—it’s internalized. A single hurtful comment can loop endlessly in a teen’s mind, becoming part of their inner dialogue. Help them understand that they can stop this cycle by changing how they talk to themselves. Self-awareness and positive affirmations are powerful tools.
4. Expose the Truth: Everyone’s Insecure
Let your teen know that nobody is perfect, no matter how they appear. Even the most seemingly confident people have self-doubts. Recognizing that insecurity is universal can ease the pressure to appear flawless and allow teens to accept their uniqueness.
5. Model Positive Talk—Especially About Others
How you speak about people when they’re not around teaches your teen how to think and talk about themselves. Show empathy, give sincere compliments, and avoid gossip or body-shaming. Encourage them to notice what’s good in others—and themselves.
“I believe that words are strong, that they can overwhelm what we fear when fear seems more awful than life is good.”
— Andrew Solomon, The Noonday Demon
6. Help Them Change Their Perceptions
Teach your teen to pause before judging a situation or themselves. Encourage them to view challenges from different angles and to question the negative beliefs they may be holding. Developing emotional intelligence helps them form an identity based on personal values—not external approval.
“The first rule of my speaking is: listen!”
— Larry King
7. Create Opportunities for Expression
Let your teen talk—and really listen. Whether it’s writing, music, art, or quiet conversations, give them room to express themselves without judgment. Help them explore what they’re good at and celebrate it, no matter how small. This inward discovery builds authentic confidence that no one can take away.
In Summary
Changing self-image isn’t about looking different—it’s about thinking differently. Teens must learn to see themselves through a lens of kindness, growth, and possibility. Your encouragement, example, and patience are the best tools to help your teen become who they already have the potential to be.