Keeping Secrets About Depression Can Harm
Have you ever been asked to keep a secret? Some secrets—like surprise parties or private hobbies—are harmless, even exciting. But when it comes to hiding emotional pain, particularly depression, keeping it locked inside can be deeply damaging.
“People are secretive when they have secrets.” — Deb Caletti
Let that quote sit with you for a moment. Secrets weigh more than we realize—especially when they’re heavy with despair.
When Is It Okay to Keep a Secret?
Not all secrets are bad. Everyone deserves a sense of personal privacy. A quirky obsession or a surprise you’re planning for a friend? Totally fine.
But when the content of the secret is harmful—to you or someone else—that’s when it becomes a problem. Depression is one of those things that shouldn’t be buried in silence.
When Keeping Secrets Becomes Harmful
Ask yourself:
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Are you keeping quiet because you’re ashamed?
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Are you afraid of what others might think?
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Is the silence protecting your pain or making it worse?
Holding in the emotional weight of depression, especially without any outlet, can cause serious harm. According to research by Michael Slepian (Columbia University), secrecy often leads to chronic stress, anxiety, and emotional tension. Worse, secrets tend to grow heavier the longer you carry them.
Why Keeping Depression a Secret Hurts You
Here’s what we know:
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Bottling up your feelings leads to isolation.
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You may start to feel guilt, shame, or self-blame.
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Over time, that internal pressure can erupt in unexpected and harmful ways—lashing out, breakdowns, or worse.
The truth? You don’t have to tell everyone—but you do need to tell someone.
Talk to the Right Person
Sharing doesn’t mean shouting your pain to the world. It means finding the right person:
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A trusted friend
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A school counselor
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A therapist or nurse practitioner
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A supportive family member
They won’t think less of you. In fact, it often builds trust, understanding, and support when you let someone in.
Don’t Let Silence Be Your Secret Weapon
If you’re struggling with depression and keeping it a secret out of fear, know this: you’re not weak, you’re human. Everyone needs help sometimes—and you deserve to feel better.
Letting someone in isn’t a failure. It’s a step toward healing.
I can’t keep track of secrets or lies. I have so much other stuff going on, so it’s all truth and openess with me. It makes life easier.
Keeping a secret that causes you stress is never a good idea. I usually share everything with my husband whether I am supposed to or not. I’ve never been a good secret keeper. I have to tie my mouth shut at Christmas!
These are some really interesting points. It seems like the easiest secrets to keep are also the unhealthiest ones.
Some secrets are better kept secrets. I have had problems telling secrets to the wrong people. that will get you into trouble.
Keeping secrets is really not healthy. There are some aspects in someone’s life that you’d like to keep just for yourself, but if it causes you stress and anxiety, I think it would be better if you can talk it our with someone. It does not have to be a family member, just anyone who you can trust and who you know will listen and understand.
I don’t like keeping secrets, I think it’s toxic. So as much as possible I tell everything to my kids.
Keeping secrets is hard and i always think that if someone asks you to they don’t really value you because it can add so much stress on yourself. My friend once told me that she had an affair and i was the only one she confided in. It was awful. We are now no longer friends and I strongly think the secret had a lot to do with it. Great post.
I never thought that secrets can harm you. I agree with the study, secret holder is being hurt.
I love reading this article looks interesting. Keeping secrets are unhealthy
I am glad that I never have to keep a big secret. It could really be stressful to the person. I usually talk with my husband or my mom if something is bothering me.
I have always said that half of the worlds problems could be solved if secrets were no longer kept.
I can’t keep secrets. They just eat at me, and I feel guilty, and the only relief I can ge is to tell someone. Secrets are not always a good thing.
What a wonderful way to talk about depression. When I was younger I had friends who kept a big secret for me, looking back I wish they would have told someone.
Ashleigh, Secrets especially about depression can’t be kept.
If one is just honest, then there’s no having to keep track of lies and such! It’s so much easier to be upfront and honest!
Sometimes letting things out helps with healing and stress. If revealing the secret will harm someone then tell a stranger.
Tara Pittman, Never thought to tell a stranger this is a good one.
Outsider of something like a surprise party..I don’t do secrets! It’s too much energy!
I could not agree more! Secrets – reasonable ones, are fine and safe and even good in some ways. Such as loving a soap opera or something harmless. On the other hand – there are secrets that should never be kept!
You don’t realize how damaging a secret can be until you really put it into perspective. Some secrets should never be kept and need to be told for someone to be able to help.
One of my Teachers when I was in training to be a chaplain gave me solid advice about knowing what to keep to myself and what to share. She used the phrase “wise counsel.” That is something I have never forgotten.
Claudette, Your teacher was wise.
Keeping secret is so hard and could potentially affect our mental health. I love to be free and not keeping any secret
As a child I kept so many secrets for my father because he was cheating on my mom, one day I told everything because I couldn’t understand that strange feeling on my throat every time my father would kiss my mother in front of me.
So I told everything and everyone turned against me… I blamed myself for all the problems my parents had and I develop severe anxiety.
I’m 26 now, my parents are divorced and my anxiety is even worst… Now I understand what happened to me…
Anna C, How brave of you doing the right thing is not easy. Although it was sad that they turn against you. It was important to deal with what was making you sick. I hope you and your Parents have resolved this issue ….You got caught in the middle because you love your Parents.
I am agree with keeping a secret causes you stress . I usually share everything with my husband , I don’t like secrets
Secrets can definitely be HUGE sources of stress….outside of things like what you’re getting someone for a birthday gift, of things of the nature of course. I’m definitely an honest is the best policy kind of gal.
Yes absolutely, there is higher levels of stress, anxiety and tension among people keeping secrets., Awesome Blog!
Im pretty good at keeping secrets for others but if its something that is causing harm I always turn to my mom and talk to her.
Keeping secrets totally stresses me out!
I don’t think I can ever keep a secret like this. I am always open with my husband and we talk about everything.
I battle anxiety every day. And yes, you’re right. Keeping secrets do make my anxiety levels skyrocket.
Secrets are so hard to keep track of and keep straight. Not worth all the effort.
I agree that keeping secrets is not good. For me keeping secrets is very stressful. Especially if you know that it is something that should be said or addressed. I have been put in so many situations where I had to keep quiet about something that needed to come to the light. Mainly because it involved someone who was being harmed. It stressed me out to the point where I felt like I was just as guilty as the person who was doing the abusing. I felt like I was allowing it to happen by being silent. It destroyed me and brought on a huge rush of anxiety. I had to choose between what was right or being a person that can be trusted. In the end I remained the person that can be trusted. However,my friend ended up being killed by her abuser. And I will forever have that in my mind, that if I had did what was right instead of carrying out her wishes of keeping her abuse a secret than maybe she would still be alive. I’m 30 years old now and this happened when I was a teenager and as you can tell I am still dealing with this. As I will deal with this guilt for the rest of my life. This was a very true to the heart post and I enjoyed reading it. It really hit home for me.
Deshawn Keiner, Wow, so sorry to hear your personal story this was not easy I am sure. Looking back you can say you have grown stronger due to situations you where place in at such a young and delicate time in your life. I am not only challenging but encouraging you to share your story with other teens, your peers, or someone who may be giving up. There are some people who will hold on to their secrets even when it is causing them great distress. I write about teenage depression, secrets on a weekly basic and work at a facility for adolescents who can’t seem to get passed the guilt, shame that is crippling them. They are holding on because of fear…To heal we need to talk no hold back.
On a personal level, I just believe that if you don’t tell a lie, you don’t have to remember anything other than the truth. Sometimes I like to be a shoulder for other people but at other times, I don’t want the weight of their secrets either! It can be hard!