Emotional Behaviors
Changing self-harm behaviors in teens can feel like an impossible task—especially when it seems like no matter what you do, they may still find ways to hurt themselves. But change is possible. The first step is understanding what drives the behavior.
Self-harm isn’t about attention—it’s about emotional release. Grief, guilt, loneliness, depression, anxiety—these are just a few of the emotional storms that can lead a teen to seek relief through pain.
How to Help Your Teen Stay Safe
Many teens who self-harm report feeling temporary relief from emotional pain when they inflict physical harm. This release can quickly become addictive, making it difficult to stop. Unfortunately, the sense of relief is short-lived—each new wave of emotional pain can bring them back to square one.
To help, you must first understand their emotional triggers.
Understanding Triggers
Triggers vary from person to person and are often unpredictable or seem “small” to outsiders. What sets one teen off might not affect another at all. That’s why labeling self-harm as “attention-seeking” is harmful and inaccurate—many teens go to great lengths to hide their injuries.
How to Support a Teen Who Self-Harms
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Avoid public exposure or shame. Don’t tell others about it without your teen’s consent—it can deepen feelings of embarrassment and isolation.
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Be honest and vulnerable. Tell your teen that seeing their pain scares you. Express your own emotions gently so they know they aren’t alone in feeling overwhelmed.
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Don’t try to fix them. You can’t take their pain away—but you can be their rock. Be steady, supportive, and present.
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Don’t carry their emotional burden. Help them learn how to carry it themselves. Teach them emotional resilience instead of removing every obstacle.
Identifying and Managing Triggers
Help your teen:
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Recognize their personal triggers
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Develop healthy coping mechanisms
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Understand that relapse doesn’t mean failure
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Find safe alternatives to release emotion (e.g. journaling, art, movement)
By empowering your teen to take an active role in their own healing, you’re helping them build skills that will serve them for life.
Final Thoughts for Parents
Self-harm is a signal—not a solution. It says: “I don’t know how else to handle what I’m feeling.” Your job is not to fix, control, or shame—but to guide, model, and stay present.
This journey will require patience, sacrifice, and courage from you as a parent. But with love, therapy, and time, your teen can recover—and they will emerge stronger.
You are not alone, and neither is your child.