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Misgendering anyone may seem like nothing to you, but for the person you may come off as rude. As a matter of fact, not recognize or showing lack for their choice. Not to mention If you have a transgender teen, family member or even an associate. Whose gender is different from what was assigned to them at birth. You may have accidentally messed up wrong pronoun. Understands its a struggle but with genuine action you can make it right and be forgiven.

misgendering friend

Misgendering mistaken pronoun

First of all, it’s important to understand why it’s a big deal. Maybe your friend got angry or completely shut down. The fact is, they may have to deal with being misgendered on a daily basis. They might be deliberately misgendered by people who refuse to accept their identity or are afraid to come out as transgender in certain spaces for fear of bullying or other repercussions. 


Misgendering a Friend How to Say Sorry 

Nevertheless a loved one, they probably hope and expect that you will be a safe space. In the event you maybe someone who will regard their individuality. This respect means using their preferred gender pronouns, names, and titles. That said, your friend will likely be understanding if you get it wrong. You’re only human and it can be hard to get it right away, especially if you knew them before they came out. 

Misgendering damaging effects on your teens.

So, what should you do if it happens? Make your apology short. It’s not about you and you don’t want to belabor the point. A quick, “I’m sorry, I meant to say [name/pronoun/title],” and moving on should be enough.Saying the correct thing at this moment not only shows you truly are sorry, but helps to cement the correction in your mind.

How to say sorry: misgendering

How to say sorry: Wrong pronoun

In other words, don’t be defensive. Don’t make excuses.Don’t make a big scene. You might feel terrible and that’s okay. But attracting attention to it will likely just make it worse. Think of it like accidentally calling your friend achemist when they’re a biologist. You wouldn’t spend too much time onI’m so sorry! I didn’t mean it! That was so terrible of me!” would you? Just make a mental note to do better next time. Eventually, you’ll get it.

Misgendering a Friend How to Say Sorry

To put it differently If you are corrected. In this case when with others or your friend and loved one is not around. Then a simple thank you can work. Again, you might want to keep it brief: “Thanks. I’m going to visit [name/pronoun/title] today.” And, yes, it’s important to use the correct gender words even when your friend isn’t there. Not only is it good practice, but it’s just simple respectful, too. 

Misgendering damaging effects on your Transgender teens

Important to also pause before you speak. As a matter of fact, what you can do is get in the habit of asking the person what name they would like you to call them. One way to avoid misgendering is by using gender-neutral terms and pronouns.  You might have noticed that I’ve been doing that in this blog. Honestly I’ve made several mistakes like these. Here’s a tip pause before say a word. Despite many grammar sticklers’ protests, “The Oxford English Dictionary traces singular they back to 1375.” If your loved one is nonbinary, using terms like “everyone” instead of “ladies and gentlemen” or “sibling” instead of “brother” or “sister” can go a long way.

Most importantly, don’t stop trying. Another key point, be honest with your apology. And Your friend, loved one and others will understand. They will see your effort and that will help them feel safe with you.